he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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