Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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