she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
