My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
