Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
