i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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