Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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