fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
