Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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