oh god the rape fog is back!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
