You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
