What did we do last night that was yellow?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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