you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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