I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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