just tell him i said nine months
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
