Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
