I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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