your parents love me but you hate me
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
