So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm having to shit out rocks
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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