Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
