she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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