I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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