Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
