were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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