mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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