Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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