i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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