Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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