Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
