my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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