Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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