So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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