first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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