just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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