The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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