So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
