it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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