Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
