just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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