and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
