The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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