i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
