no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
