Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
