Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
