yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
