He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
