he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
