she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
