We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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