I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
