It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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