so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
